Welcome to Snark in the Park!
My friends, we'll eventually get to wildlife and all manner of beautiful things. However, today we make a close examination of a lesser-known Prospect Park ecosystem - the Wild Blooming Condom Groves.
Yes Virginia, there are men fucking in the bushes. There's just no other way to put it, is there? "Fornicating" just doesn't do it justice. You're afraid of the restrooms in the park? I gotta tell you, the restrooms are the least of your problems.
Yes Virginia, there are men fucking in the bushes. There's just no other way to put it, is there? "Fornicating" just doesn't do it justice. You're afraid of the restrooms in the park? I gotta tell you, the restrooms are the least of your problems.
The intrepid explorer who adventures off established paths will find various types of indigenous wildlife nesting in deep, little-known thickets.It's a symbiotic relationship - The Condom Groves only flourish where fertilized by the species that inhabit these glades of pleasure - the Flatbushicus Boot Bumper and the Park Slopian Backwoods Pecker. Occasionally, one might catch a glimpse of the rare Hassidicus Black-Hooded Peeper, but this species is very shy and flees easily.
Sightings are most prevelant during Summer evenings, as most of the species migrates to habitats in Chelsea and Greenwich Village during the colder months. However, the stalwart and well-bundled adventurer could easily be treated to an exotic and rare sighting even in Winter. (Vale of Cashmere, indeed.)
So, my Intrepid Explorers, this perhaps makes a good case for past-their-prime toddlers rolling around in those tank-like strollers ... it at least keeps their feet off the ground. Make sure you wear socks with those Crocs!
And be careful of that last step. It's sticky.
-Parker
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4 comments:
I was in the park once with Wildman (and o-so- humorlessly paranoid) Brill, and we passed through a thicket thickly studded with french letters. Said someone else on the trip: "Boy, this sure is the safest woods I've ever been in," which made me cackle aloud.
Also, you'll want to keep a look out for the thong tree behind the skating rink.
Great blog - consider yourself bookmarked! Thanks.
subscribed!
What to make of the fact that snarksy and bachelor both sampled rose hips in the last week.... perhaps another instance of "quantum nonlocality" in virtual land?
Or maybe that I spend too much time reading blogs too closely.
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